Josh Schneider

Like a photo album of my greatest lies,

You are the one that makes me,

Feel so useless and incomplete.

You drive me to the edge and back,

An enemy that I love to hate,

And hate to love all at once.

My searing anguish burns from within,

And you are the sole suspect to blame.

Without you, I would curl up and die,

But with you, I feel sore all over.

How I would love to bleed you dry,

If not to risk my own demise.

Why did you have to come into me,

And let my impotence commence?

Why did I have to be one of many,

To feel your brutal sting on my skin?

Why did you have to enter my mind,

And hemorrhage my nervous system?

Let me be and let me sleep in peace,

Knowing that you have left me behind.

I do not want to hear you inside me,

Or feel your beating on my fragile chest.

But for now, I am forced to endure,

Your sharp arrows that pierce my flesh,

While you pay no never mind,

To the anguish that dwells within me.

Let me be free of this never-ending pain,

That is driving me on the verge of insane,

Like a steely bullet grazing my brain,

And although I stand on this savage plain,

I find that my fight against you is inane,

While I stand without crutch or cane,

But I will not rest until you are slain.

Your agonizing beat resounds inside,

Letting me know that with you,

I would not be alive…

Unguarded and unseen, and closed off in my cell,

I feel my mind melting from the blinding lights.

The guards have left the gate unlocked,

And yet I do not leave my luxury prison.

I sit in wake, and wonder who will visit me,

Who might drop by my shattered chamber.

Wandering in circles to find a way out,

And yet I remain oblivious to the doors.

I stare at the ceiling as if calling to the heavens,

In hopes of some celestial siren to offer salvation.

Each and every day, I perform the same shtick,

My cellmates actors as we amuse the warden.

Always on the lower bunk of my messy cell,

I find I am slowly going insane from repetition.

From dusk until dawn, and meal to meal,

Task to job to assignment to mission.

It starts becoming obvious what I am;

The lone sane inmate apart from the pack.

Each day that passes while I sit in on my cot,

I hear another friend’s number get called up,

As his guardian angel posts his intimate bail.

Soon, the jail has emptied out except for me,

And I know then that I am trapped forever,

In my forlorn confinement.

You are the one who I strive to beat,

Now, you grovel at our feet.

I pulled you away from darkness,

Only to watch you regress.

You were the jester of all the fools,

Who tried to change all the rules.

Your stupid smile, your greedy glare,

You were never really there.

Playing us all like idle toys,

Just for your kicks and joys.

We brought you a beacon, oh so bright,

But you chose darkness over light.

Your loyalty like paper in the rain,

Flooding us with all this pain.

Your lust eating away at our souls,

As your wave of shame rolls.

Your smile masks your unforgivable lies,

And your egoistic ties.

These fantasies that you choose to live,

Bleed us dry like a shiv.

The sight of your face,

Brings me to a familiar place.

Where you were once my friend,

But now, I just want it to end.

The sound of your voice,

To hear was not my choice.

It makes my fingers start to curl,

From this anger that makes me hurl.

Your silhouette on the wall,

Makes my senses fall.

For all your crimes and sins,

My frustration begins.

You make yourself seem so elite,

When you are not fit to wash our feet.

And I would give it my all,

Just to see your ego fall.

Let this moment end, and this feeling pass.

My cerebrum is at its max,

Like a grenade without its pin,

And on the verge of exploding.

I grasp my skull and pray I fall asleep,

Because my mind is on overload.

A millions thoughts for a million memories,

And the slideshow is on repeat.

If I could take out the tainted photographs,

And make the album picture perfect,

I would in a heartbeat.

And from whence that beat dwells,

Is the bane of my existence.

Battle between heart and mind,

And I am losing the war.

While on the field, I cannot die,

I feel wounded inside.

Bombs detonating in my brain,

And I alone should bear this burden.

But every once and a while,

A loose grenade bounces off,

And my friends take the pain.

I fail to dive in its path,

Only to watch the unbearable results.

Alone to ponder in my little world,

I realize that should my heart take control,

A tyrant would take control the field,

Who enjoys my suffering.

So, in order to avoid further casualties,

My heart will have its ammunitions,

Bounced back in on itself,

All to prevent having to lose,

Another friend in the everlasting conflict,

Between my spirit and wits.

I sit here on my pedestal and ponder,

Why I have to be out in the open by myself.

Portraits all around me,

Huddled together in intimate company,

And at the end of the hallway, I see her.

Mona Lisa hung in darkness,

A faint lamp swinging overhead.

My cold, metal skin absorbs her warmth,

Reflected off her canvas in a dazzling glow.

Is she smiling at me, her eyes so fixated,

Or is there another just behind me?

One of marble and Michelangelo’s design?

The millions of nightly dreams and daily thoughts,

Race through my mind like visitors to our halls,

And every one of those thoughts of you,

Your divine form, contemplation, and anonymity.

My head tilted to not give myself away,

I hide from your glancing eyes,

To hide from the inevitable question.

Does she or does she not?

And all but one of these questions is avoided,

Why would she ever?

While I sit and think,

I think not of your rips and tattered edges.

They resound oh so well within myself.

And although my bronze may not luster,

Like the marble of all those you see,

I assure you that my rusted legs,

And scathed arms,

Would gladly stand against them all,

Those who try to mar your perfect strokes,

And pristine poise.

So, until I solve the great mystery,

I sit and think in front of the rest,

Those works of faultless art,

And keep watch on you from afar.

I sit and think about how I might make you smile,

While keeping you from the possible frown,

And promise to surround you in lights,

If we are to be placed side by side for all time.

Max wants a house with thirty rooms,

Within which to seal his doom.

Pool in back and boat on the side,

With Fords for each daily ride,

And Marilyn laying outside,

His gold office where he looms.

He reads up on the Vanderbilts,

Water beds, and feather quilts.

Sings a ballad of stocks and bonds,

Stacks of presidential fronds,

 And of idolizing the cons,

But not of the fear they built…

He was our idol, the Prodigal Son,

He who carried our hopes and our dreams,

To break free of this remedial life,

But fell prey to temptation and schemes.

Four years of studies to broaden his mind,

Left scars on his wallet and soul.

Strived to swim through the impassible flood,

Debt to the clouds was beyond his control.

Fallen from graces, Max fell into hell,

Becoming their personal slave.

Taught not question or rock up the boat,

Whipped until he learned to behave…

Max, oh, Max,

You’re broken for sure.

Now, the cancer,

You once were the cure.

Boy, oh, boy,

Your life is a blur.

Drugs, sex, and booze,

You’re no longer pure…

You’re broken for sure.

You once were the cure.

Your life is a blur.

You’re no longer pure.

Oh, Max…

Look up, if you can,

To the troubled skies in pain.

See the thousand tears

Of toxic acid rain.

Look out on the land,

As it dies out in flames.

Look at yourself,

You were the ones to blame.

This innocence,

Was once so true.

Now, I only see black,

Where I once saw blue.

Towers past the clouds,

And black gold down below.

See the blood of Mother Earth,

As it starts to flow.

Flames over Iraq,

And smog over L.A.

Once it’s said and done,

We’ll be the ones to pay.

This innocence,

Was once so true.

Now, I only see black,

Where I once saw blue.

The cry of the wild,

Sends shivers down my spine.

But the folks at the top,

Say it will heal with time.

This innocence,

Was once so true.

We can’t get it back,

Because it’s all through.

The world sees you as imperfect,

As a sin against the status quo.

Your rough edges and your battle scars,

Hammock all your woes.

I see you as an angel,

Fallen, such as I.

You do not even notice me,

So in my sorrows, I sigh.

The world cries of normalcy,

And truth, and what is right.

But you and I alone see it,

As the cause of this fight.

You cry out your feelings,

And dance in the rain.

You stomp on the “innocent,”

And share with me your pain.

I am there to care for you,

and caress your broken heart.

I provoke the cons and madmen,

Your bleeding they did start.

You spit in the eyes of the ignorant,

And blast the idle queens.

While others see you venomous,

I see you serpentine.

You claw at all of them,

Who called your just a fool.

I would gladly take all those injuries,

If only I’d have you.

To a far away land,

I’d venture off with you,

Be your partner, your hand,

Your soul, and your lover too.

So let me,

Into your eyes.

And take away,

All these butterflies.

I laugh at death,

And spit into the fire.

But what makes me fall apart,

Is of you, my desire.

The key to my heart,

Was lost down the drain.

You leaped on,

And saved it from the flames.

Can’t you see the rest of them,

Simply die at your feet,

But to me, my dear,

Your venom tastes so sweet.

I hear the sound of her finger tips,

Strumming on my heart strings.

I feel her careful touch,

As she tenderly sings.

To me her words speak of love,

Rather than her sympathy.

Building up a song inside,

Creating a conspiracy.

Inside my brain,

To make her part of me.

Her existence in my embrace,

Is my loneliness’s eulogy.

To break my sorrows and sooth my soul,

And create a new entity.

Her strings in sync with mine,

Bring about new serenity.

Can she hear my cries across the divide,

Screaming a song of love?

Let the words of the heavens rain up,

To her shining star above.

Let the earth and the moon crumble,

In my passionate destruction.

And if I die protecting her,

That is my decision.

I will carry her soul across the stars,

Into a new divinity,

Let her soar above it all,

Defend her for eternity.

From all the desperation,

She will fly high and free.

She will have the total sum.

I just want her to have me.